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I have been spending more time with a handwritten journal...this is a confession of a love affair with moleskin journals, and sharpie pens. It may be possible, in the near and distant future, for me to scan in some of these journal entries as a means to digitize them. I am still trying to decide if this is handwritten journal heresy. I am leaning towards yes. So if the fear of those pages of my journal being the fuel to the flames of my hell overpowers me, I will refuse scanning and keep it all to me. To say that this has been a shifting summer is a understatement. I have been moved by the joy of a wedding and married life. While at the same time deadened by the stress and frustration of living with grandparents. I am convinced that this is the strangest period of my life. Uncertainties outnumber the certainties...a challenge for a addict of control. I am in control rehab, and I want to sign myself out. The moments I can feel present and happy are the moments when the space between the noses of my wife and I are hardly measurable. The vastness of the world, and its "stuff" is blurred out when you can only focus on the eyes of a beloved. | | |
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It's hard to see things come to an end. As I write from a desk chair sitting in the middle of my now empty room, I feel a deep and gnawing sadness.
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From: http://richarddawkins.net/article,2513,n,n
Orangutan attempts to hunt fish with spear
A male orangutan, clinging precariously to overhanging branches,
flails the water with a pole, trying desperately to spear a passing
fish.
It is the first time one has been seen using a tool to hunt.
The extraordinary image, a world exclusive, was taken in Borneo on the
island of Kaja, where apes are rehabilitated into the wild after being
rescued from zoos, private homes or even butchers' shops.
"Orang hutan" means "forest man" in one of Indonesia's many
languages and our long-armed cousins do indeed show a remarkable
ability to mimic our behaviour.
This individual had seen locals fishing with spears on the Gohong River.
Although the method required too much skill for him to master, he
was later able to improvise by using the pole to catch fish already
trapped in the locals' fishing lines.
The image is part of a series taken for a new book, The Thinkers Of
The Jungle, which also includes the first photograph of an orangutan
swimming.
Thinkers Of The Jungle, by Gerd Schuster, Willie Smits and Jay Ullal, is published by Ullmann Publishing on May 5, RRP £29.99.
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i'm convinced that the same part of my brain is active when I see a forest clearcut, as when I see a murder scene on TV.
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February 24, 2008
Walking around the front of my still warm Ford F-150, up the slippery ice covered steps of my front porch, a sound filled the space around my head. It resonated, connected somewhere deep inside me with feelings of apocalypse. For a moment I couldn't tell if it was the sound of distant fire trucks moving towards me, or of a descending aircraft about to bury its nose into the ground, or the last option, air raid sirens. I have never heard air raid sirens in real life, only in saving private ryan or some movie like that. I guess that's why this whole experience seemed surreal. I told myself that I was being stupid, and that I was over analyzing the sound to make it something it was not. Yet, as hard as I tried to legitimate the sound as distant fire trucks I was preparing myself for an explosion.
I flipped the orange button that turned on my guitar amp. My guitar rested on my lap. As the tube warmed slowly, I fiddled with something, I can't remember. Suddenly the room was filled with an awful screeching, feedback squeal. I scrambled for the volume button and turned it quickly to zero. Nothing happened. The piercing sound continued, I could not slow my heart from beating as it was. I flipped the orange switch, and like the diminishing sound of a dying animal, the noise faded. What the hell? I ran my trembling hands through my hair. This was so rare, and terrifying, all with no clear explanation. It broke up the normalcy, making the moment surreal.
At times the dream world, and the real one mix. Like this:
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